Amazing grace in here I'd pay to have you near

I'm marrying Alex*. You can all stop hitting on me now. I am so in love with him at this very moment you wouldn't even begin to understand. And I mean that in the most friendly way. Being around him makes up for all the crap. What is wrong with some people? Do you get off on arguing or something? Every seemingly little topic is blown into world war 3 and I'm losing count. With this marriage discussion going on, are we hitting ww 72 or 94? But you know what, I don't really care. Today I'm just all together in a sickening good mood. I finally feel comfortable in my relationships with the people I care about. There's nothing unspoken. We can say hi and joke around for a while, or we can sit down to have a serious talk. Either way, it's wonderful. Like you can probably tell, I'm not good with words and if I could I'd make this paragraph into something poetic. Speaking of, Julian told me the other day my icons were ugly and that I needed new ones. So he made me some. I love them a little more than I love him because he is insane. I think when I uploaded my sixth black & white icon, I realized something was terribly wrong with the world. So thank you, babe. Honestly, if I were to continue the update in this state, you'd all have me commited. So I won't. You'll never guess what I'm doing this weekend ;) *p.s. I'm not really.

And I swear that I don't have a gun

Where does love ends and love begin. What makes you take that final decision to be lovers instead of friends. Is it only physical attraction. Because physical attraction ends. But somewhere along the line, that doesn't matter. It's not like I always have to love different people, when the blind infatuation is over, I love the person deeply and their appearance is only their cover. In most cases the person underneath is more beautiful anyway. So what is it then, that very final step. Crossing an already thin line. I hate rhetorical questions. I always ask a lot of questions. Most of them are never answered and even if they are it's just a matter of opinion. I think it's really rather strange that I have so many friends around here because I honestly don't get along with a lot of people. I always try not to be rude because I hate rude people, but if I come off snappy please don't push it. Sometimes I find friends in random encounters, I guess those moments are nice. I don't know why I'm still writing, this doesn't make any sense. I haven't been around for a few days. Maddox got back from the hospital on Monday. It was nothing serious, he just hurt himself playing. I love him so much. I can't stand to watch him cry. They kept him there for three days, I couldn't leave his side and Simon gave me time off from the set and settled everything with the studio. He's a weird little man, but wonderful at the core. My baby is fine now. A little plaster on his forehead is the only thing left of this experience. I can never get over how tiny his fingers are. He has to use his entire fist to hold one of mine. Since I met him and we bounded, we've been doing that. I give him my hand and he grabs hold of the index finger. Most of the time it's the index one. I suppose that's our foundation right now. Yes, I have a male stunt double. Knock yourselves out with this one, kids, but at least make it entertaining. Everyone's last words should probably be 'I was on drugs'. That automatically removes all blame and seems like a safer bet than conversion at deathbed. Pretend this entry is only saying "I am so sick of some people" so I'm gonna go now.

You think I'm kidding, but I'm not

So I wake up only to find that Alex James didn't win any awards. What is wrong with all of you? Haven't you realized by now that he is really, really great and writes neat updates and I've only mentioned his spelling skills so far. But all of this is besides the point, the icon alone was enough to vote for him. I didn't win either, but that's okay because Natalie Portman is more educated than me and pretty too. I don't have anything else to say, really.

Into the rabbit hole

Just a quick note to say I won't be at the MBP awards tonight. Some of us across the Atlantic have jobs in the morning. When you work with film, one of the first things you learn is that the human mind is always searching for understanding, to put things in relation. You have to carefully fit the scenes together in an order so the audience can by themselves can see the big picture out of the little pieces. This formula leaves an ocean of possibilities and many directors are known to play with them, but there are certain rules you have to follow. If you do it in a creative way, the audience can find their own meaning in your art. One of my favorite books is Alice in Wonderland. One of everybody's favorite books is Alice in Wonderland. I don't remember when the thought first occurred to me, but when it did it was like a revelation. No one is really special. No one is unique. My thoughts are not original and feelings are one of the most universal things there is. I read a review once, about Alice in Wonderland. It said something like 'it's about a young girl's journey into womanhood' and I was like, 'shut up! That is not what it is about at all'. I guess what I liked about the book was that it didn't have a message, that it didn't try to be something it wasn't. To me, it was a wonderful blur of madness and sanity and the something in between. The place where things don't have to make sense to make sense. We don't appreciate that as much as we should because it's everywhere. But that book in particular makes me want to sit down and write and know that it doesn't have to make sense. And the popularity of this book makes me realize that I am not alone in this feeling. That what I think is unique, that I'm the only one to have this thought, is completely bullshit. But doesn't that mean that creativity is copying. How many love songs are written, has anything really changed. Couldn't we just take the first one and go with that. Because sometimes you find a person that is a little different. Who deserves that new love song. I'm not going to say that when the two right people come together something unique is created, or something along those lines, because I'm a cynic. I really believe what I've written so far. Love might be special, but it's not exactly rare. More people have love than diamonds for instance. It's possible the author of Alice in Wonderland had a very strong message. But in the way the book was put together, it chapters, did as I missed that. So I created my own opinion, and I grew on it. I found a little piece of me to add to the puzzle. I guess what I'm saying is, love might be unoriginal but when I find someone who seems a little out of the ordinary, I don't mind another love song.

I caught you knocking at my cellar door I love you baby can I have some more

Why am I updating so much lately. It's not like when I was in Africa, Cambodia and Pakistan where I was forced to write a journal. Ok, I wasn't really but it was good for me, good for everyone. If my status as a Hollywood actress could get one person, one single person, to donate money because of my journal, it was worth it. It was a difficult thing for me to do. At the time I wasn't sure if I wanted to publish them on the internet because I tried not to censor myself and I mentioned things about home more than I should. I'm not a professional journalist, it was the travel journals of Angelina Jolie and then Angelina Jolie is what you get. Can I just say it's hard not to censor yourself when you know millions of people can read what you write, but I'm very glad I did release them, because in the big picture it's not about me, but incredibly brave people who depend on us right now. Last week I donated $100,000 to a United Nations program providing food for Western Sahara refugees. My aim is to encourage other people to make themselves aware of this crisis facing the Western Saharan refugees and do what they can to help. I know this is not happening in our neighborhood, but they are still our people. After the recent tragedies in the US we have proved ourselves able and willing to care. There can be enough love in the world if we tried. I'm not doing this to sell movies or be called a saint. I do it because I strongly believe in it with all of my heart. There can be changes. There must be changes. Still enjoying myself in London with Naomi. It's her home so she's been dragging me around a lot to her old places and stores. Not that I mind of course. Shooting is going well. I'm going to have a couple of days off while they are figuring out how to shoot around something and then later add as special effects. Have I mentioned I don't really like special effects? But I guess it's unavoidable in a movie like this. I'm going out to dinner with Jonny sometime this week too. He's my ex-husband, in case you didn't know. He's so British he makes me ill sometimes, but then again, I seem to like that. The Brits that is. My lawyer is in court. Again. I really pity that man, he can't have much of a life seeing as how I seem to take up 90% of his time. At least he makes good money. This time it's about removing 'Voight' from my legal name. I'm not sure why I didn't do it sooner. We were friends for a brief time during and after the shooting of the first Tomb Raider movie, but you can't really escape the past and the fact is he walked out on us. He partied while my mum worked to feed us. Sure, he'd send the occasional check, but it all comes down to this. He has not been as much part of my life so that I owe him to keep his family's name. Why do I feel like a news reader. None of you care about my name. Only who I'm sleeping with. Which is none because I'm a loser but that's all right. You still pretend to care. That means a lot to me. One day I'm going to take Brie and Dave out for ice cream. They are the cutest people I know. They just went crazy in my journal, how loveable is that. P.S. we hereby apply for membership in must_be_dave. My paid account ran out yesterday and I forgot to change into my all-time favorite icons. This might be a little bit of a problem seeing as how I'm a compulsive icon-changer, but I actually like the ones I have up right now. Come to think of it, all you really need is a 'this is dave' icon. I'm going to sleep in Alex's bed now.

Faded pictures in my scrapbook I thought I'd take just one last look at

Angie, Angie, when will those clouds all disappear? My mother loves this song. Sometimes I think she named me after it only so she could sing it to me. One of my first memories is about this song. After my father left it was just the three of us for a very long time. It was only after I grew older I realized the song was about a breakup, but by then it was so stuck, so mine, that I didn't care. My mother cried sometimes. Jamie would put on this record and we'd all sing along. She always smiled through tears then. I was around 6. My brother, who is two years older than me, had just entered his rockstar phase. He'd play guitar, badly may I add, and my mother would sing. I twirled around and around and right there, for the first and last time, I was the star of the universe.Angie, you're beautiful, but ain't it time we said good-byeAngie, I still love you, remember all those nights we cried The day I left Billy I had nowhere to go. An empty hotel room and my son on my arm. I knocked on Jamie's door and he seized right through my painted on smile. I fell against him and I cried until I thought I would burst. It felt like someone had ripped a body part from me. I don't think it could have hurt more if someone had. It wasn't until he reached the last line I calmed down. Someone who has grown very dear to me lately asked me a while ago how I was dealing. I didn't answer because truthfully, I didn't know. I guess this is it. Going back to what I know. Unconditional love. They say know your past to know your future. I know my past, I'm clueless about the future. Maybe London rain really is healing. Maybe it's the house with the blue door. Ever since I saw Nothing Hill, I've wanted to live in a house with a blue door. I don't like to visit the past, but sometimes it's necessary. To be reminded of who I am. Angie, Angie, they can't say we never tried

I...

I'm listening to Tender. That is all.

I...

I'm listening to Tender. That is all.

Take a look in the mirror can you really blame me

You would think being across the planet would put things in perspective, but it really doesn't. One conversation and I'm back where I started. It's a real bitch when you can't get over someone, even when it goes against all logic. Sob, the Blur kids are leaving me. Like I know anyone else in London. At least Naomi is here with me. You can't kick us out of your house, baby, stop trying. I promise we'll be good to it. I should write about how I constantly keep breaking my nails so I have to have daily manicure. Simon is beyond himself with excitement. I think he would be Lara if he could. He's running around the set and when I have to jump, he jumps. It's really too cute. In case you didn't know, we're going to shoot the China scenes in Wales because someone in China wouldn't let us enter. Apparently Paramount thinks Wales looks a lot like the area around the great wall of China. Go figure.