This ain't real, baby. Got a better excuse for myself

This isn't even funny. I have no idea what to write. The past two days have been up and down and back and forth, but at the end of the day, something remains the same. I'm crazy about this person. Or as he would have put it, and I've never heard that word so often as these past weeks, I'm completely enamored. I'll do the unpleasant part first. I was told to go with my gut feeling. My gut tells me everything is fine. I don't know why I'm not capable of just enjoying the moment. That's what a normal person would have done, right. He couldn't reassure me more. And I believe him, I do. You start over again, and you don't let your past taint you. That's what I do anyway. Then he drops a little bomb and I had to gather all of me to even respond. But you can't change people. And people don't really change. This is the part where I disagree with myself. Feelings can change, but doesn't that mean all of you change with them. This is all talk, I realize. I have someone very real. Someone who calls me girlfriend. We hadn't really drawn any lines and everything was a bit sketchy, so I laugh and go "what?" and he repeats it over and over again. Stuff like that. Regular stuff. Incredibly cute. And everything is really... good. My brain is completely numb. I've been on far too much today, this is insane. It's late and I'm not thinking straight. I promise to do a 'my boyfriend' update. Possibly tomorrow even. Where I rid myself of all doubt and actually embrace what I have entered with such a wonderful man. Now I have to go and say goodnight to him, and that usually takes a while and I want my bed.